Aspen, Colorado - March 2019

Aspen is by far the most chic chic ski town I’ve ever been to. And while the skiing may not be the greatest, the ski apres shenanigans are by far the best. From Cloud 9 to the Little Nell, if you like to ski, you owe it to yourself to come and see this sh** show for yourself.

Cloud 9

This has to be one of the most fun places on any slope in the continental US. There are basically two seatings at Cloud 9. If you want to eat, then make a reservation for the early seating. If you want to party your ass off, then, by all means, make a resi for the late seating. And don’t even think you’re going to stroll up and get a table last minute. It’s going to happen.

The food at Cloud 9 is great. The restaurant probably seats around 50-60. I’ve been to Cloud 9 for the early seating and the late seating (12 p.m. and 2 p.m.). No matter which one you go to, it’s a see and be seen type environment. No onesi ski-bids here. As for the early seating, it’s great—everything’s pretty chill and everyone is there just to get some fondu and maybe have a drink or two. But don’t plan on camping out as they will literally pick you up and move all of your shit out the door to get ready for the 2 p.m. seating.

About 1:50 p.m. is when all of the rebel rousers start showing up. Like a bunch of school kids ready for the first day of school, they start coming in pairs of two and lots of four. The food gets ordered and the DJ puts on some classic jams or something pretty smooth. By the time the food comes out, the music has gotten a little louder and a little bit faster. And then by dessert time, the shades are fully drawn on the windows, people are standing in their chair and maybe even on the tables, and the music is fast and the bass is deep. And then it happens—some A-hole starts spraying a $175 bottle of Veuve and all hell breaks loose. Before you know it, you’re about three sheets into the wind and like a bug, are walking blindly into a small circle of light only to find that you’ve made it outside safely only to find that it’s time to strap on your skis and ski down to the base. For some, it comes easier than others, but in all, I’ve never seen anyone who couldn’t figure a way down the mountain one way or another—whether by skis; by snowmobile; or even the ride of shame back down the lift.

And as for splitting up the $4,000 tab at the end, there’s one rule as espoused by one of the original skiing Elvis’ Jphn T.—”if you spray, you pay.” Sounds fair to me.

Here is a link to the Cloud 9 website: https://www.aspensnowmass.com/our-mountains/aspen-highlands/dining/cloud-nine-alpine-bistro